It's been one of those weeks.

I have had the week from hell. I've had absolutely no motivation to do anything. I skipped Tae Kwon Do Tuesday night, although I did walk Monday night. I have had a horrible case of the munchies, and since it's close to payday there isn't much Healthy stuff in the house. I've been good and have stayed away from chips and stuff, and instead munched on some Sun flower seeds.

I've been in a crappy mood, and I don't really know why. Maybe it was because of the fact that it has been raining and dreary and I needed some sunshine.

Finally yesterday the sun came out and I decided to lay out. I absorbed some of that sunsine and I started to feel better (even though I skipped TKD... oops.) I had strapped on my "Only at home" bikini and looked down at myself.. I actually looked good from that angle. So I snapped a picture, and.... drum roll please... What I saw, stretch marks and all.

Not to shabby for someone that is a size 16. This picture was actually what started my mood change. I woke up early this morning and got cleaned up, did my hair, put some make up on. I pulled out my jeans skirt I bought last year from Old Navy, put it on and lo and behold, it was to big. I did a huge happy dance in my bedroom, and put something else on. It gave me a renewed sense of what I'm doing, and why I'm doing it. I am feeling better about myself and feeling a bit more confident in my apperance. In fact I even took a few new pictures of myself today.

We leave for vacation tomorrow, but I think I'm going to take the time before we go, to go to the Y, and get a work out in since I skipped TKD and I'll be missing it tomorrow night since we'll be on the road.

Wish me luck.

Weight as of now... 190# as of last weigh in. I don't know if it has changed. I'll find out tomorrow.

Whats with Today, Today?

I am in a super Shitastic mood today. I have been baby sitting all week, and it's been raining pretty much all week. I have been stuck in the house with a 12 year old, a 6 year old, a 4 year old and on varying days either a 3 year old or a 2 year old. I'm tired, and I'm hungry.

I have lost another pound which puts me at 190# Which is great, but in the same breath this little one pound loss at a time sucks. I want to see something a little more drastic and it's a bit discouraging. Especially when I see no changes except for the fact that the little thing on the scale slides forward one whole little line at a time.

I ended up eating a few brownies last night, and I loved every last bite, but then I fecking felt guilty. I want to just throw my middle finger up and just say "FUCK YOU! I don't care!" But Dammit I do care.

I've been virtually shopping for my upcoming trip for my 30th birthday, not actually buying anything, but looking over all my favorite stores and picking out all the gorgeous shirts/ dresses/ and shoes that I'd love to buy, but am to broke to actually purchase. Even though a certain somebody just put us even more in debt by buying himself a lap top.

Yep see. Shitty mood. Sigh.

Week 2... Monday

I finished Week 1 Day 2 of the couch to 5k on Friday at the Y. And kept my promise to myself of sitting in the steam room. After I was done and showered I weighed myself again. I was down another pound. My weight as of Friday... 191# I'm hoping for another 2 pounds this week so I can get out of the 190's. I have been experiencing a lot of headaches and hip/ knee pain since Friday and I've been hoping it won't hinder my work outs. The today I found an article on the couch to 5K site and it said this..

"Salt May Be What the Doctor Ordered
If you finish your workout with white crust on your visor, your clothing or on your skin, you are likely a salty sweater. The longer you exercise, the more salt you will lose in your sweat, so you'll need to consume extra salt (sodium) during exercise.

If you are exercising long enough to need to replenish carbohydrates, you will also need to replenish sodium. Pretzels and sports products provide sodium; to ensure that you are getting adequate sodium during your workout, stay on the lookout for any of the following signs of hyponatremia (low blood sodium) during and after your long workouts.

•Headaches
•Nausea
•Muscle cramps
•Disorientation
If you experience these symptoms, increase your sodium intake during exercise by choosing higher sodium sports products or by adding an electrolyte replacement to your water or sports drink. The symptoms of hyponatremia are very similar to symptoms of dehydration, so consider your symptoms in relation to your consumption of fluids and urine color. If your urine is clear and you have a headache, it's likely that a salty snack will help and more water will make the headache worse."

taken from this article..
http://www.active.com/nutrition/Articles/5-Nutrition-Tips-for-New-Athletes.htm?cmp=17-7-820

So I went and bought myself a Powerade. It has 150mg of Sodium and 35mg of Potassium. I'm hoping it'll do some good. I'm supposed to walk tonight while Autumn has her Running Clinic, but it's been pouring all day. I don't think they will have the kids run in the rain. So we'll see what happens. I need to get in some kind of exercise today.

Friday

I'm dead. I'm pretty sure of it.

I'm supposed to be doing my 2nd day of couch to 5k today. I don't want to. I'm tired, and bloated. I think that I am a Zombie sitting here and typing this. My muscles are sore, my mind is numb, and my motivation is shot for today. I feel like a starving artist...

"What... Whats... Whats my motivation here?"

I am noticing small changes in the way my pants are fitting. And its enough for now. I'm finding it easier to get through my sit ups and Push ups in Tae Kwon Do, even though they still kick my ass. I am enjoying the process of learning Tae Kwon Do. And to top it off I love my instructors. They are amazing women and they push me, but they make me laugh while they do it. I sweat more in that class than I did with doing a full rotation with an hour on the treadmill at the gym. Although I wouldn't mind getting back into the gym, but the only days I don't baby sit are Tuesdays and Thursdays. The same days as TKD. And I don't want to over do it.

I didn't weigh myself last night. I weighed myself Tuesday and I didn't have any change in my weight and it made kinda go...Oh... Well... Crap. I know there are reasons for it not changing, and not all of them are bad. So I decided to not weigh again Thursday and make some changes and see what next week brings. I am seriously looking forward to next week though. I have every intention of hitting the steam room at the Y one day. I adore the steam room. Helps me sweat out all the bad stuff.

Stats for today...

I don't know and I don't care.

Day Set...

Day Three... Set is Korean for 3.

I ate a donut.

Then I walked a Mile.

Then I ate dinner. And it was good, and healthy.

Then I ate part of a Chunky from Twisty. It had Strawberry swirl and Cheesecake, and Cookie Dough.

I think I set myself back a day.

Stupid Donut. Stupid Ice Cream. Stupid lack of self control.

The good news though... I started my couch to 5K running last night. Will do my next day tomorrow. I'm going to take the kids to the Y and run on the treadmill since it's supposed to rain tomorrow.

No stats for today. Because I suck and I have no scale. Besides after my donut and ice cream binge... I don't know if I want anyone to know.

UGH...

I never really thought that I could be addicted to food. But apparently I am. At least junk food. I have been craving something sweet non stop since last night. Part of it is the fact that I'm being all "womanly" this week, but mostly its a craving because my body wants it. I am going through withdrawal. I can feel it. The headache, the shakes, the contant thinking about wanting somethhing sweet to bite into. It's almost like when I quit smoking. All I wanted was to smoke, I wanted that hit of nicotine so bad, except this time... This time it's Chocolate.

I said to Jeremy earlier all I want is a candy bar. His response was.. "Well go buy one then." I said no, at least I'm able to understand that I want it, I don't need it. I need water, and healthier eating habits. I need Reese's Peanut Butter Cups!

Wait! No! No! I don't. Dammit. *facepalm*

I am starting to believe that when a person is fighting a battle against losing weight and having a healthier life style, it's all about reteaching yourself what is good and what is Healthy.

Water.... Good
Steak and Shake Milk shakes....Baadddd

Salad... Good!
Double Cheeseburgers with the works...BAAAAADDDDD

Fruit Salad... GOOD!!!
CHEESECAKE.... REALLY FECKIN GOOOOOOOOOODDD! Shit! NO!

BAD!!! BAD CHEESECAKE.

It's a work in progress.

Maybe I can beat the craving out of me at Tae Kwon Do tonight.

****Edited to add...

Weight on Tuesday after Tae Kwon Do.... 192#

The Begining of My end.

I've started trying to do something about....All of this (waving frantically at my middle section. I signed my 6 year old son up for Tae Kwon Do about 2 months ago. He loved it and since I was there Tuesday and Thursday nights anyways, I signed myself up for classes with the encouragement (read..Begging and pleading) of said son. I've taken 3 classes so far and I love it. It challenges not only my body, but my brain as well since I have to learn all of the terms and how to count in Korean.

I don't know what I weighed when I started eating better and taking classes 2 weeks ago, I probably should have weighed myself, but I didn't. So Monday morning I weighed myself at the YMCA, since I was there for my boys swimming lesson. I weighed in at... ready... 194 lbs. The heavest I've ever been was at 215lbs when I was pregnant with my 4 year old. I had weighed myself a few months ago on a friends scale and I weighed 198lbs. So 4 lbs in a few months wasn't anything to brag about. Then Tuesday and Thursday I attended my Tae Kwon Do class, and weighed myself after TKD on Thursday, same scale as I used Monday... I was down to 192 lbs.

2 lbs in 3 days... Wait... Is that possible? Can that actually happen? I guess eating right and exercising does do something! I have been doing really well. Cutting back on the sweets, the sugar, the caffiene, even the bread.. And I love my bread... Then of course PMS kicked in and I was craving the good stuff. In fact I believe I ate part of a loaf of Pretzel bread, an entire bag of Gummi Bears, and a 6 pk of Oreos.

Thank You Mother Nature... You Whore.

I've been trying to flush my body with water ever since. I made Tacos tonight. With ground Turkey instead of Beef. My family can't tell the difference in flavor and it's better for them. I was a good girl and ate my tacos without the torilla. Made a big ol salad out of it. And...Dammit...I wanted those Tortillas!!!

My daughter started her Running Clininc tonight and while she ran with a friend. I walked with her friends mom. We made it around once, and I could have kept going, but my walking buddy is just starting out, and was using her inhaler after an 1/8th of a mile. We'll walk again Wednesday and hopefully make it 2 laps this time.

So my Stats this entry.. Going off of last week since today is Monday..

Age: 29
Weight: 192 lb
Pants Size: 16
Shirt Size: XL

***Edited to add.... Calorie intake for the day... 1225